You're Not Her
by Animegod 197
Summary: Ash is pushed to the brink of mental collapse after being separated from the girl he loves for over four years.
1. Part 1

Hello everyone. This is another Pokeshipping story but it's different because it tackles a genre I've never attempted before. It's my first attempt at a psychological story. I've been wanting to write one for a long time and the right idea finally came along. PLEASE review and tell me what you think. I hope you like it.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Pokemon franchise

* * *

_You're not her…_

This phrase occupied his thoughts frequently now. The first time it had popped into his mind was when he saw a random passerby in Petalburg City. She had short orange-red hair and was about _her _height and in his surprise, he called her name, or what he assumed to be her name. When the girl turned around with a confused expression on her face, he realized he had been mistaken. She had brown eyes and her hair was in a slightly different style. He had apologized and continued on his way.

* * *

The next time was when he had his first dream about her since they'd been apart. They were under a cherry blossom tree and they were about to kiss…and he had nearly kissed someone else in real life. May had woken up before their lips could touch and had woken him up.

"You're not her," he said out loud, confused as to why his angel didn't look anything like herself.

"I'm not who Ash?" May asked.

"You're not…" he trailed off and then realization hit him as to what had likely happened. He apologized again and told May to forget the whole incident.

Brock had been made aware of the situation but Ash refused to talk about it. Since then, the phrase would be on his mind every time he looked at May and sad longing would fill him. _You're not her…_

When that idiotic couple had proclaimed them lovebirds, both Ash and May were embarrassed but Ash was more furious at the suggestion that he could ever love anyone else other than his Misty. How could they even conceive of such a ridiculous notion? That couple didn't know him. They didn't know his heart. May was nothing like her. She didn't have the right eyes, she didn't have the right hair, the right build, the right personality, she _wasn't her! _

Ash was glad when the situation was over with and thankfully, May seemed to feel the same way.

When Misty had come to visit him, he was overjoyed though he didn't show it. Their time together was heaven for him, but she had to leave again, all too soon and he was too afraid to let her know his feelings, again. When she was out of his sight, Ash almost instinctively looked at May and for the first time, he felt resentment at the fact that May and Misty were nothing alike and for the first time, the phrase was thought in anger. _You're not her!_

* * *

When May and Max had to leave, Ash went home briefly to say goodbye to his mother and started off on Sinnoh. Dawn was his new traveling companion and for the first few days, things were fine. One morning, he took a moment to study her features. He didn't know why, something just possessed him to give Dawn a closer look. That was the first time he noticed the color of her eyes and the comparison was immediate.

_They're not the same color. The blue is a different hue._

It was in that moment that every little difference between Dawn and Misty made itself apparent and the phrase once again entered his mind. _You're not her…_

At first, it was a sad thought but soon the sadness was replaced by resentment. _You're not her! Why couldn't she be here instead of you?_

He was shocked by his own thoughts. This was a new friend and he was ungrateful just because his love wasn't there? After berating himself and mentally apologizing to Dawn, he made sure the phrase stayed out of his mind as much as possible. Unfortunately, on nights when he would dream about Misty, the phrase would creep in when he would wake up and look over at Dawn.

* * *

There was one point that he had no qualms about using the phrase. They were fishing and Ash was using one of the only treasures he had left of her, the special lure she had given him. Dawn had rather ungraciously asked to use it, saying "can I give that _thing_ a try?"

Ash of course had flat out refused and it wasn't just because of how she asked the question. A thing? That thing had a name and he was very annoyed that Dawn showed so little respect for something that meant the world to him. But more than that, he was outraged that she had tried to take it from him or even that she'd asked to use it.

He fumed about it later that day. _How dare she! First she minimizes its significance by referring to it simply as a thing, and then she has the nerve to try and TAKE it from me! _

What Dawn didn't know was that the lure had much more than Misty's likeness, it had her memory too. Whenever he looked at it, he would always recall all the precious moments he'd spent with her. He was very selfish when it came to her memory and for Dawn to try to take that away from him was an outrage.

Speaking of Misty, while on the journey with Dawn, she didn't come. It hurt him but he hoped she would be there when he got home.

She wasn't.

* * *

Now he was in Isshu, with yet another female companion and her name was Iris. He initially got off to a rocky start with her, considering he thought she was a pokémon when he first saw her and tried to capture her. After that, he learned that she had an attitude slightly reminiscent of Misty and was even a gym leader like her.

Something clicked in his mind. Since they shared similarities, Ash, perhaps unintentionally, perhaps intentionally out of desperation and longing, began to pretend that Iris was Misty, if only for short times, every day. It made things easier, though he had to be careful not to call out the wrong name.

One night, everything changed. He was having another dream about Misty and this time, he was murmuring (and in some cases, moaning) her name in his sleep. This noise woke Iris and she went over to see what was wrong.

"Ash, Ash wake up," she said, slightly shaking him.

"Huh?" he asked, slowly opening his eyes. Still half-asleep, he didn't see Iris as who she was, but as his love come back to him.

"Misty…" he said, smiling at her.

"Misty? Ash, I'm not-" she started.

"Shhh…I'm so glad you're back," he said, sitting up and eye level with her now.

"But Ash, I never left. I'm not Misty," Iris tried again.

Ash wasn't listening, but instead moving his face closer to hers, in preparation to kiss her. Iris saw what was going on and backed up. _I need to get him awake now!_

"Ash, you're not yourself! Wake up!" She shook him hard, several times.

This time, Ash became fully aware of his surroundings and when he saw Iris's face in front of him instead of Misty's, something snapped inside of him. His eyes narrowed and he said in a low voice the phrase that had been a mantra in his head ever since Misty left.

"You're not her…"

Figuring that the "her" referred to Misty, Iris nodded. "You're right Ash, I'm not," she said.

Maybe it was because his comforting illusion had been broken or maybe he was finally going crazy from missing Misty, but hearing this confirmation only made him angrier. He repeated the phrase, this time louder. "You're not her!"

Iris was now confused. "I know…Ash, is something wrong?" she asked, moving closer to him.

Ash moved away from Iris, still glaring. His mind was overwhelmed with grief, disappointment and resentment and as a result, he no longer saw Iris as a friend, but as a stranger, one that was trying to take Misty's place. "What are you doing here? Who are you?"

Now Iris was confused and slightly frightened. Ash was acting really weird. "Ash, I'm Iris. You remember me don't you?"

Ash looked at her in confusion for a moment and then fiercely shook his head. "I don't know anyone named Iris."

Now the girl was really becoming concerned. She started to crawl over to him, but he just backed away.

"Stay away from me!" he said. How did this girl know his name when he had no idea who she was?

Iris looked hurt. Had he really forgotten who she was? Come to think of it, she didn't recall him ever mentioning who this Misty was. She reached over and grabbed his shoulders.

"Ash, look at me. Don't you recognize me at all?" she asked.

_No, I don't! Why are you so close to me? Why are you touching me? _Ash's expression was one of panic. There was only one person he wanted to do those things and she wasn't it. He shoved Iris away and she landed on her side.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" he shouted.

Iris looked at him with wide, frightened eyes. Whatever was wrong with him, she'd only made it worse. "Ash…"

"I told you to stay away from me! I don't know who you think you are, but you're not someone I recognize. You're not a friend and you're not her!"

That phrase was beginning to unnerve Iris because every time he said it, Ash got more hysterical. "Ash, what do you see when you look at me?" she asked.

Ash regarded the strange girl carefully for a moment and then his eyes narrowed again. "Someone that I don't want to see," he said.

Iris felt tears spring to her eyes. That had really hurt. "…Why?" was all she managed to get out.

Ash's eyes narrowed even more. The answer should've been obvious. "Because you're NOT HER!" he practically shouted again. "She's the only one I want to see lying next to me! She's the only one I want touching me! You're completely different from her so why would I want to see you? "

Now, she was crying. "Ash, I don't understand. I'm your friend!" she yelled.

"I told you before, I have no idea who you are! Now leave me alone! I don't wanna see you and I don't wanna hear you! All I want is her and YOU'RE NOT HER!"

That was all Iris could take. She ran into her tent and sobbed. Once she was gone, Ash went back over to his sleeping bag and soon drifted into slumber, dreaming of Misty.


	2. Part 2

I know I marked this story as complete, but since it didn't really have a conclusion and my head started filling up with ideas on how it could progress after the initial chapter, I decided to continue it. There will be one more chapter after this. Read & Review and let me know what you think.

* * *

The next day after Ash and Iris's confrontation, Ash seemed to have returned to normal. He knew who Iris was and acted just like before. In fact, when asked by Iris if he would apologize for what he did, Ash had no idea what she was talking about. He'd completely forgotten about the night before. Iris was content to let the matter drop and for the first couple of months afterward, things were fine and Ash and Iris's relationship became stronger than it had been before.

Cilan didn't know what was going on but was glad to see the two getting along and as a result began to tease them about how close they had become. That turned out to be a mistake. Neither Iris nor Ash took kindly to his teasing but Ash seemed to become more irritated each time it occurred and one morning, Ash decided to put a stop to it. The group was just finishing breakfast and Iris had volunteered to dispose of the dishes.

"Cilan, would you mind coming into the forest with me? There's something I need to talk to you about," Ash said.

"Sure," the green-haired boy said, smiling.

They went into the woods and once they found a clearing, Ash turned to his new male traveling companion and glared.

"Look, I know you think you're being funny when you imply that Iris and I have crushes on each other, so let me set you straight right now. It's **not** funny and I'd like you to cut it out."

Cilan gave Ash a confused look, not understanding his reaction, then smirked.

"Why get so defensive Ash? Are you saying that you and Iris DO have feelings for each other?" he asked.

Ash's glare only got more intense. He stomped up to the boy and grabbed him by his shirt.

"Listen you chimp, there is NOTHING going on between me and Iris! We're friends and that's it! If I hear you insinuate anything otherwise about us again, mark my words, you WILL be sorry! Do I make myself clear?"

Cilan nodded, actually afraid of Ash in that moment. He'd never seen the boy so angry before. The two went back to the campsite and neither said anything about what had happened.

* * *

That was the first time Cilan witnessed the same kind of behavior from Ash that Iris had endured. Though he didn't know it, that was also the first sign that the newly acquired peace they had attained was not to last as would become apparent once they reached the next town. On that day, the three were walking along a crowded street looking for the resident Pokémon Center when a girl caught Ash's eye. The first thing that caught his attention was that she had orange-red hair and the first thing that came to his mind was the name of his love.

_Misty…_

When the girl turned to the side, Ash saw one of her eyes and saw that it was amber. His hope dashed, a phrase that he hadn't crossed his mind for the better part of two months came back in full force.

_You're not her…_

* * *

From that moment on, Ash was once again preoccupied with the fact that Misty was gone and now every girl he came across with orange, orange-red, or pure red hair was initially viewed by his mind as his love, and every time his illusion was broken, the phrase would repeat itself. Ash began to become despondent, every day reinforcing the harsh reality of her absence. He needed her.

Iris and Cilan noticed the change in behavior.

"Ash used to be so energetic and cheerful. Now, he seems to be down a lot of the time," Iris said one night while they were getting ready for bed.

Ash had already gone to sleep and was dreaming of Misty, as seemed to be the case every night since the phrase re-entered his mind.

"I know. I don't understand what's wrong with him. It's like he's lost his drive," Cilan said.

"I hope he comes around soon…" Iris said.

* * *

Ash didn't come around; in fact, he got worse. Weeks later, Cilan asked Ash to go get some firewood to make a cooking fire for lunch. As he was walking through the woods, picking up large sticks as he went, Ash saw a young red-head who seemed to be gathering firewood just like him. There was something unique about this girl; her hair was in a side-ponytail.

"Misty…" he whispered.

Convinced that the resemblance was too uncanny to be a coincidence, he called out her name. "Misty!"

The girl seemed to stop in her tracks but didn't turn around.

"Misty? It's me Ash!" he said.

She stood still for a moment before answering. "Ash? Sorry kid, but I don't know anyone named Ash."

Ash looked at her, dumbfounded. "What do you mean? We've been friends for years!" he said.

"No we haven't. We've never even met."

If he had been thinking clearly, Ash would've recognized that her voice didn't sound anything like Misty's but he was so desperate to believe that she had returned to him, his brain fooled him into thinking that not only was he seeing her figure, he was hearing her voice too.

"Misty, why are you saying this? We met when I was just starting out on my pokémon journey. You fished me out of a river for crying out loud! How could you forget?"

Now her voice sounded irritated, "Look kid, I have no idea what you're talking about! And I'm not Misty, whoever she is."

"What are you talking about? Of course you're Misty!" he said.

"No I'm NOT!" she said, now fully angry.

"Alright then, turn around. Prove to me you're not Misty," Ash said.

"What? I don't have to prove anything to you! I don't even know you!"

"Just turn around and let me see your face, then I'll know if you're Misty or not."

"And what makes you think that I'm this Misty girl?" she asked.

"Well, you like just like her and you sound just like her, so I gotta figure that you're Misty."

"Well, you're wrong! Now leave me alone!"

"Sure, just as soon as you let me see your face," Ash said.

"And what will you do if I don't?" she asked, challenging him.

"Then I'll just stand here and keep pestering you until you turn around."

"Oh no you won't! I'm leaving!"

The girl began to walk away and when she heard Ash's footsteps behind her, she dropped the bundle of sticks in her hand and broke into a run. Ash did the same and chased after her, determined to find out if his Misty had really come back.

_So Misty, you wanna run from me? Then I'll be more than happy to chase you down!_

She picked up speed and Ash did the same.

"Get away from me!"she shouted.

Ash just ran faster and once he was sure he was close enough, he tackled her to the ground. He turned her around and saw a frightened young woman with ruby eyes. She was older than Misty and there was no recognition on her face that indicated she knew who he was. Ash looked at her in confusion.

"You-you're not her…" he said.

The mystery girl glared at Ash.

"OF COURSE I'M NOT! That's exactly what I told you before you ATTACKED me!"

She slapped him across his face in frustration.

"Now get OFF me!" The girl pushed him off onto the ground and got up, still glaring.

"I don't know who the hell you think you are, but there's something wrong with you! Get mental help, for your sake and mine!"

She turned and walked away, leaving Ash on the ground. As he watched her go, tears built up in his eyes. He had been so sure…

Ash sat there and just sobbed for almost an hour. It was Pikachu who found him and got him to calm down enough to come back to the campsite.

"Ash, you were gone a long time. What happened?" Iris asked.

"Yeah, you missed lunch and you're not one to ever miss a meal," Cilan added.

"Leave me alone. I'm going to bed," he said, sounding completely defeated.

"Bed? Ash, it's the middle of the day," Iris said.

"I don't care…"

He went to his backpack, took out his sleeping bag and crawled inside. Pikachu crawled inside next to him, trying to give its trainer some measure of comfort.

* * *

After that, Ash spent as much time asleep as he could, considering it a reprieve from the hell of the waking world. His dreams were the only place he could be with Misty, and he'd rather spend all his time lost in a fantasy where she was there than spend any time in a reality without her.

Now, the group traveled only for six hours a day at most. Whenever they stopped to eat, as soon as they were finished, Ash would take an hour-long or two hour-long nap, sometimes using his own pokémon to make him fall asleep if he couldn't do so himself. He would go to sleep for the night well before sunset and was irritable whenever he was woken up for anything other than an emergency.

His demeanor when awake had transformed as well and was completely different from the Ash that his friends and family had come to know. He trudged rather than walked, his head was almost always down because he didn't trust his eyes not to deceive him again into thinking Misty had come back, his eyes had no life in them anymore except for a faint spark when he battled and that didn't happen except for at official gyms, and when he spoke, it was always with an apathetic, defeated tone. He withdrew from his human friends and Pikachu was the only soul he would talk to. Iris and Cilan had no idea what was wrong with him or how to make it better. Unfortunately, they would soon find out and it would be in one of the worst ways possible.

* * *

Three weeks later, the group was asleep and Ash was dreaming of Misty. In a scene of déjà-vu, he was saying her name in his sleep and Iris was woken up.

"It looks like he's dreaming about this Misty girl again, whoever she is," Iris whispered to herself.

Iris thought of waking him up, but didn't want a repeat of what happened last time. She briefly considered waking Cilan up and asking him to see about Ash, but thought better of it.

_Well, whoever this Misty is, she seems to be on his mind quite a bit. Maybe she has something to do with how he's been acting lately. It's risky but I'll wake him up and see what I can find out._

She went over to his sleeping bag and called his name a couple times. He stirred but didn't wake up.

_Well, here goes nothing…_

Iris shook him a few times and he opened his eyes. His expression was one of disbelief as he stared at her and Iris didn't know what to make of it. Then he sat up and spoke.

"Is it really you?" he asked.

"Yes Ash, it's me," she answered cautiously.

Ash smiled and the next thing Iris knew, she was being pulled into a hug.

"You're here…" he whispered.

Iris was now fairly certain that he didn't see her as herself but as someone else. She slowly pulled away from him. Ash looked at her, concerned.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Ash…who am I?" she asked him, bracing herself for the answer.

The question caught him off guard and he looked at her confused. Why would she-? Suddenly, an overwhelming sense of dread gripped his heart. He closed his eyes and prayed that she was still there when he opened them. When he opened his eyes and saw Iris in front of him instead of Misty, every emotion he had been feeling for the past four months came to the forefront: Sadness, Anger, Disappointment, Longing, Frustration, Hope, Happiness, Desperation, Loneliness, it all became a swirling torrent in his head that disappeared into a black void. And as he continued to stare at Iris, an all-consuming rage came from that void and rapidly built up within Ash. This was the same girl who had tried to take Misty's place before, and he wasn't going to let it happen again.

_You took her away from me…_

Ash's eyes narrowed until they were slits. He gritted his teeth and let out a low growl.

Iris was already afraid._ Please don't use that phrase again_ she begged in her mind.

"Where is she?" he snarled out.

"Where's who, Ash?" Iris asked.

"You know who. Where is she?"

"Ash listen, Misty was never here. You were seeing things."

Ash growled again and then his right hand shot out and grabbed her around her neck. "Don't LIE TO ME!" he shouted. His grip tightened. "She was here when I woke up and then suddenly she's replaced by you! Where IS SHE?"

Iris tried to remove his hand from her neck but in his berserk state, Ash was much stronger than usual. His grip got even stronger the more Iris tried to free herself.

"You took her away and I want her back!" he said.

When Iris began to choke, Ash loosened his grip on her enough so she could speak, at least somewhat. "I won't ask again! Where is Misty?"

Iris looked at him with panicked eyes. "A-Ash…please…s-she's not h-here…I didn't…d-do anything…"

Ash's grip on her neck tightened again and he put his other hand around it as well before slamming her head into the ground.

"I told you not to lie to me! She's gone and it's your fault! I want her back! BRING HER BACK!"

Cilan had been woken up by all the noise and when he saw what was going on, he rushed over to pull Ash off Iris.

"Ash, what the hell are you doing?" he yelled as he tried to pull Ash away.

Ash didn't seem to hear the boy and continued his assault on Iris who had slipped into unconsciousness.

_If I don't do something soon, he's gonna kill her!_

Cilan punched Ash in the stomach repeatedly until he loosened his grip on Iris, then the green-haired boy swiftly pulled Ash away from her, holding him as tightly as he could. Ash glared murderously at Iris and growled again, struggling against his friend.

"Ash, what is wrong with you? You almost killed her!" Cilan said.

"Misty…I want Misty!" Ash yelled.

"Who the hell is Misty?" Cilan asked.

Ash didn't answer and continued to struggle until he had no energy left. It was then that his anger gave way to sorrow and he began to cry.

"I want her back…I want Misty back…" he whispered, tears running down his cheeks.

Cilan let Ash go, certain that he was no longer a danger to anyone and, after checking to make sure Iris was still breathing, picked her up and laid her next to him in his sleeping bag. Ash lay on the ground and cried himself to sleep.


	3. Part 3

Okay, I know I said that this would be the last chapter, but it got WAY longer than I expected so there will be a fourth after this. I won't make a deadline since this story keeps taking directions I didn't think it would go. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter and please review.

* * *

The next morning, Iris woke up with a very sore neck. She took out a mirror from her backpack and saw red hand prints on her throat and it was then that she remembered what had happened last night. Cilan saw her looking at herself and put a comforting hand on her shoulder. Iris gasped at the contact but calmed down after seeing him.

"Oh Cilan, it's you," she said.

"Are you okay Iris?" he asked.

"Physically, yes. I'm still really shook up though. I mean, Ash tried to kill me. Something is REALLY wrong with him and that Misty girl is the cause of it."

"I know. We have to do something before he has another psychotic episode. He could end up killing one of us or himself."

"If we knew who Misty was, we might be able to get to the bottom of this," Iris said.

Pikachu suddenly came up to the two of them and began talking excitedly to get their attention.

"Huh? What is it Pikachu?" Iris asked the yellow mouse.

Pikachu pointed to Ash's backpack and ran over to it. Iris and Cilan followed the mouse and opened the backpack. Pikachu went through until it found what it was looking for and pulled out a piece of paper with several telephone numbers listed. The pokémon pointed to the number with the name "Brock" next to it.

"I think it wants us to call that number," Cilan said. "I'll do it."

The boy took out his cell phone and punched in the numbers on the paper. After a few rings, a deep male voice answered.

"Hello, you've reached the Pewter City Gym; this is Flint."

"Oh. I'm trying to reach Brock. I must have the wrong number," Cilan said.

"No, you have the right number. Brock is my son. Hold on," Flint said.

A couple of minutes later, another voice was on the line. "This is Brock Slate. Who may I ask is calling?"

"Hi. My name is Cilan and I was wondering if you know someone named Ash Ketchum."

"Yes, he's one of my best friends. Are you traveling with him in Unova?"

"Yeah. Listen, you say you're one of his best friends so maybe you can help me. Ash is…really messed up."

"What do you mean? What's wrong with him?" Brock asked, now sounding concerned.

"We don't know exactly but from the way he's been acting, we think he's mentally unstable."

"How's he been acting?"

"He sleeps for most of the day, he never talks to anyone when he's awake, he's lethargic, chronically depressed-it's like he's dead inside," Cilan said.

"Well, something is certainly wrong with him emotionally but I don't think that qualifies as being mentally unstable," Brock said.

"There's something else…he's had these outbursts of anger and the last one happened last night. The girl we're traveling with, Iris, almost died as a result. Ash tried to strangle her to death…"

Cilan heard Brock gasp. "…Is she okay?" Brock asked.

"Yeah, she's fine. A little shaken, but fine."

"Now I see what you mean. Do you have any idea what might have caused him to snap?"

"Yes, and that's what I wanted to talk to you about. He kept saying, 'I want Misty back'. Who is Misty?"

There was a moment of silence on the other end before Brock spoke again.

"Misty is the leader of the Cerulean City Gym and the three of us used to travel together."

"Then she's one of his best friends too?" Cilan asked.

"Yes, but she's more than a best friend to Ash. He loves her."

Cilan was shocked at this information. "Really?"

"Yeah, he's had feelings for her for the last six years but he never got the chance to tell her. I suspect that being away from her for so long is what's making him act this way."

"What can we do?" Cilan asked.

"There's only one thing to do. I'll be down there in a couple of days and take him back to Cerulean. Don't say anything to him about it because in his mental state, there's no telling how he'll react," Brock said.

"You've got it."

* * *

Two days later, Cilan, Iris, and Ash were waiting in a Pokemon Center when Brock walked through the door.

"Hi everyone," he said with a smile.

"Oh you must be Brock. Nice to meet you," Iris said.

"And you must be Iris. Nice to meet you too."

Ash looked over at Brock and his eyes widened in shock. Brock walked over to Ash and smiled.

"How have you been Ash?"

"Brock…what are you doing here?" Ash asked.

"I'm here to help you. We're going on a trip. Now come on, I've got a small plane waiting a couple miles down the road to take us to Olivine City."

"Olivine? What's going on?"

"You'll see. Trust me, you'll love it."

He guided Ash out of the Pokémon Center and Cilan and Iris watched them go.

* * *

Once the two were in Olivine City, they waited in the Pokémon Center for the next ferry.

"Brock, where are we going?" Ash asked again.

"It's a surprise. You'll like it, I promise," Brock said.

"Are we going to Vermillion City?"

"Well yes, but that's not the ultimate destination. You'll just have to wait until we get there."

* * *

They reached Vermillion City by the next morning. Brock had rented a car to drive them to their destination.

"Now will you tell me where we're going?" Ash asked.

"Ash, I told you, it's a surprise. We're almost there."

They drove through Saffron City and then into Cerulean City. Ash's eyes widened in shock as they pulled up to the gym.

"Here we are!" Brock said happily.

Brock got out of the car but Ash stayed frozen in his seat.

"Ash, come on." Brock pulled Ash out of the car and walked him up to the door. He rang the doorbell and waited.

Eventually, Misty came to the door. Her hair was down and she was wearing a yellow tank top with blue cut off jeans. Her face lit up in happiness upon seeing her two best friends.

"Brock! Ash! What are you two doing here?"

"Ash needed a break from traveling so I suggested we come to visit," Brock said.

"Well, I could certainly use the company."

Pikachu said hi to her in its language. "Nice to see you too Pikachu," Misty said.

Misty looked at Ash and saw that he hadn't said anything. In fact, he seemed to be in a state of shock.

"Ash, are you okay?" Misty asked.

Ash blinked several times. She was still there. He shook his head twice. She was still there. Misty walked up to him and put her hand his shoulder, looking at him in concern. Ash glanced at her hand and then back at her face. He could feel her touch and she was still there.

"Ash, what's wrong?" she asked.

He didn't answer. Before either of them knew what was happening, Ash had pulled Misty into a bear hug and was crying, with sobs escaping every so often.

"I can't believe it…it's you, it's really you…" he whispered.

Misty was flabbergasted by his sudden actions and behavior and couldn't react for several moments.

"I thought I'd never see you again."

"Ash…it's okay, I'm here now," she said, hugging him back.

She looked at Brock with a questioning gaze.

"I'll explain once we get inside. Just let him cry for now," Brock said.

They held each other for almost half an hour before Ash calmed down. Misty let go of him and was about to pull away but Ash pulled her back and almost started crying again.

"Don't. Don't go. Please…don't leave me again…" he said.

"Ash, I'm not leaving. I'm going inside the gym and you're coming with me. So is Brock."

Misty again pulled away from him, and looked at his face. He was afraid, that much was evident. She took his hand in hers and smiled.

"You see? I'm still here. Come on, smile for me."

Ash did as he was told with no trouble at all, ecstatic that she was with him again. The two walked together into the gym with Brock close behind them. Misty and Ash turned to face Brock once they were inside and Misty gave Brock a serious look.

"Brock, you and I need to talk, now. Come with me."

Misty took her hand out of Ash's and as soon as he felt the lack of warmth in his hand, Ash turned and saw her walking away toward the pool area. He began to panic.

_Where is she going? Why is she leaving? She said she wouldn't leave!_

Ash caught up with Misty and grabbed her wrist to prevent her from going any further. Misty turned around and looked at Ash in surprise and mild annoyance.

"Ash, what are you doing?" she asked.

"Why are you walking out of the room? You said you wouldn't leave!"

"Ash, I'm just going to my room to talk to Brock."

"Okay, then I'll come with you."

"Well, the thing is…you can't,"

Ash felt another wave of panic hit him. "W-What? Why?" he asked.

It didn't make sense. What could they possibly be talking about that prevented him from being there?

"Because I'd rather you not hear," she said, looking at him apologetically.

Hearing her say that broke his heart.

_She..she doesn't want me around. She doesn't love me…she may not even like me!_

He hung his head as tears started to build in his eyes and soon, Misty could not only see the streaks of salt water roll down his cheeks but she could hear him choking back sobs too. Now it was her turn to panic.

"Ash, what's wrong?" she asked.

"You don't…want me around…" he choked out.

"What? Ash, that's not it! I DO want you around! I'm GLAD you're here!"

Ash slowly lifted his head to look at her. "Really?" he asked hopefully.

Misty smiled at him and cupped his cheeks. "Of course. You're one of my best friends. Listen, the reason I said I didn't want you hearing what Brock and I are going to talk about is because some of the things we say might upset you and I don't want that. But if it'll make you feel better, I guess you can at least wait outside the door instead of in here."

Ash still looked anxious but nodded to show he accepted her proposal.

Brock watched this scene and it was then that he realized just how profoundly affected Ash was by being away from Misty for so long.

* * *

The three went to Misty's bedroom door. Brock went inside and Misty gave Ash a reassuring smile before following suit. They sat on Misty's bed.

"Brock, what the hell is going on? You and Ash show up out of the blue and then Ash acts like he thought I was dead when he sees me. Something's up and I wanna know what it is," Misty said.

"Alright, here it is. Ever since we went to Hoenn, Ash's behavior had been a little strange but we never really thought anything of it. Then when he went to Unova, something changed. I'm only going off of what Iris and Cilan told me but-"

"Hold on, who are Iris and Cilan?" Misty asked.

"Ash's new traveling companions. Anyway, up until he went to Unova, Ash seemed okay. There was the occasional period of mild depression, but I thought he was homesick or maybe missing some of his old traveling buddies. You know, normal stuff that passes eventually. I think meeting Iris triggered something in Ash. She's a gym leader, feisty, and when they first met, they argued almost as much as you and Ash used to."

"Okay, so? Where are you going with this?" Misty asked.

"She reminded him of you. And according to Iris, there were a couple of occasions where Ash thought she _was _you."

"What? Ash thought Iris was me? She must look an awful lot like me then," Misty said.

"That's the scary part. Iris doesn't look a thing like you," Brock said.

"Then how could he mistake her for me?"

"Well, both times this happened, it was at night when Ash was asleep. He was dreaming about you."

Misty blushed. "He dreamt about me?"

"You know, now that I think of it, there was an incident in Hoenn when Ash nearly kissed May and she woke him up before he could. He was probably dreaming of you then too," Brock said.

Misty blushed even harder upon hearing this.

"Anyway, those times when Ash thought Iris was you? She had woken him up when he was dreaming of you and he saw you instead of her when he opened his eyes. Iris said that the first time it happened, Ash actually forgot who she was."

"Really? But that doesn't make any sense. Why would Ash hallucinating that he saw me make him forget someone else's identity?" Misty asked.

"There's something else. When Iris got Ash back to his senses and he realized that you weren't really there, he got angry."

"Angry? Why?"

"Because…I think he _wanted _you to be there and it made him mad when he saw Iris in front of him rather than you. He kept saying 'You're not her' and he made her so upset, she cried herself to sleep."

Misty gasped in surprise. That was certainly very unlike Ash. "I'm guessing the 'her' referred to me."

Brock nodded. "The next morning, he didn't even remember what he'd done. After that, over the next couple of months, he seemed to be back to normal. Then something happened, I don't know what, that made Ash go into a major depression. Cilan said that he always kept his head down, he never talked to anyone of his own volition and when he did talk, his voice sounded dead, he spent most his time asleep for some reason, there was no spark in him anymore."

"Why didn't they contact either of us or his mom? We could've done something!" Misty said, angry at the two for doing nothing to help him.

"They didn't know us, so they couldn't really let us know what was going on. I guess they thought it would go away eventually so that might explain why Delia didn't know. Cilan said that whenever they tried to bring up his change in attitude, Ash shut down and wouldn't say anything."

"I wish somebody had called me. I would've come over there and beat the answers out of Ash if I had to!"

"Regardless, there's no use dwelling on it now."

"Well, it sounds like Ash was missing me, but that doesn't explain his earlier behavior. I mean, he's acting like I'm gonna disappear at any moment."

"It goes beyond simply missing you. Four days ago, or rather four nights ago, it happened again."

"What happened again?" Misty asked.

"Ash was dreaming about you, Iris woke him up and he thought you were there."

"So he forgot who she was again?"

"He may not have known her by name, but I think he knew who she was and that's why he reacted the way he did."

"What do you mean?"

"Ash…had a breakdown, a violent breakdown."

"…What happened?"

"He snapped. When Ash saw Iris in front of him instead of you for the second time, at that point, I think he saw her as an enemy. He thought that she had taken you from him somehow."

"So what did he do?" Misty asked.

"He choked her, tried to strangle her to death and if Cilan hadn't intervened, he would've succeeded," Brock said.

Misty's eyes widened in shock. "You-you can't be serious. Ash wouldn't do that! What reason would he have to strangle anybody?"

"He wanted you back and since Iris couldn't, or in his mind wouldn't, bring you back, he decided to get rid of her. I think it was a form of punishment to him. You're right, Ash wouldn't do anything like that, in his right mind. But he was in a state of psychosis at the time so he wasn't functioning normally. Throughout the whole ordeal, all he talked about was you. He kept saying 'I want Misty', 'I want her back', 'Where is she?', 'Bring her back'. He didn't just miss you; he was literally going crazy without you."

Misty was silent for several moments, taking in what she had just been told. When she finally spoke again, it was in a soft, low voice. "So that's why you brought him here…"

"That's right. And it's why he's been so clingy with you. He's afraid he'll lose you again."

"What can I do to help him?"

"First, you need to talk to him about what he's been going though. He's been keeping all these emotions bottled up for so long and I think that's contributed to his problems. Remember, he's really fragile right now and anything you do is going to get a reaction out of him so be very careful with what you say and how you say it."

Misty nodded her understanding.


	4. Conclusion

Hello, my readers. This is the last chapter of You're Not Her. I realize that this story has gotten away from its original premise, but my idea-filled head demanded that a conclusion be written so here it is. I hope you enjoy reading and I hope this conclusion satisfies. Please Read & Review to tell me what you think.

* * *

Misty had told Brock to get Ash so she could speak with him. When Ash saw Brock walk out without Misty, he immediately became paranoid.

"Where's Misty? Why isn't she with you?" he asked.

"Ash, relax. She's still inside and she wants to talk to you," Brock said.

Ash smiled at the news. She wanted to see him. He went inside with Pikachu on his shoulder, feeling much better. Unfortunately, that happy feeling quickly disappeared when he saw the sad look she gave him upon seeing him.

"Misty, what's wrong?" he asked.

She beckoned him to sit by her and he did so. Misty had decided that she wanted Ash to tell her of what had happened on his own, rather than her trying to make him do so.

"Ash, how have you been doing since the last time we saw each other? Have things been okay?" she asked.

Ash eyes immediately filled with tears. He shook his head. "No. It's been hell without you. Pure hell."

Misty looked at him sympathetically. "Ash…what's been going on?"

Ash broke down and told her everything. The dreams, the depression, the resentment he felt for May, Dawn and Iris, the hallucinations, the psychotic break (which he remembered perfectly, curiously enough) and the guilt he felt for everything he'd put his friends through. After he finished, Misty hugged him and let him cry until he calmed down.

"Ash, how did all this happen?" she asked, once they'd pulled apart.

"I just-I just missed you so much. I never got to see you and we lost contact after you went back to Cerulean the second time. You were completely out of my life and it was just too much to take."

"Well, everything's okay now, so you don't have to worry," she said, smiling at him.

"No, everything's not okay, not until I tell you my feelings."

"What do you mean?"

"I've been keeping this inside for six years and I'm not gonna do it anymore. I love you Misty. I need you."

Just a couple of hours ago, had he said those words to her, Misty would've been both shocked and tremendously happy. After hearing Ash's story from both Brock and Ash himself, she was expecting it, though she was still ecstatic.

"I know. I love you too."

Ash's eyes widened in shock. He couldn't believe it.

_Please tell me I'm not dreaming again _he thought.

"You…you do?" he asked.

Misty nodded. "I think I have almost since the day I met you."

A smile spread across Ash's face. "Can I…kiss you?"

"Of course you can."

He slowly moved toward her and when she leaned in, he closed the gap between them and touched his lips to hers. After a few seconds, they pulled apart and Ash pulled her into an embrace.

"I love you and I don't ever wanna leave your side again," he said.

Hearing this declaration worried Misty because she knew he meant it. He really didn't want to leave her side ever again and that was a problem. Truthfully, she didn't want to leave him either but she knew her responsibilities to the gym would make it so they had to be separated eventually. She pulled out of the hug.

"Ash, it's almost lunch time so what do you want to eat?" Misty asked, trying to change the subject.

"Whatever you want; it doesn't matter to me," he said.

"Well, I've got some left over fried chicken if that's okay."

"Sounds fine."

Pikachu spoke up and both trainers knew what it wanted.

"Yes Pikachu, I'll get ketchup for you," Misty said, giggling at the pokémon's infatuation with the condiment.

* * *

Brock and Misty prepared lunch, with Misty heating up the chicken and Brock making beans. Ash decided to have jalapeno pepper slices with his chicken. Pikachu had ketchup along with Pokémon food. Once they were all finished, Brock went to clean their dishes while Ash waited for Misty by the door.

"Ash, I'm gonna help Brock with the dishes okay but could you do me a favor?"

"Sure Mist, anything," he said.

"Go and feed the pokémon in the aquarium, okay? There's a ladder by the tank and the right feed is in the pantry."

Ash suddenly became very nervous. The aquarium would put far more distance between him and Misty than he was comfortable with. But she'd asked him to and when he said he would do anything for her, he meant it, so despite his discomfort, Ash nodded. He got the proper food out of the pantry then, with one last glance back at Misty, left for the aquarium with Pikachu walking beside him. Once they were gone, Misty went over to Brock and began to help him with the dishes like she'd said.

"Brock, there's something I need to talk to you about."

"Sure, what is it?"

"Ash said that he didn't want to ever leave my side and the problem is, I know he means it. I don't wanna leave him either but I still have to run the gym and more than that, he can't become a Pokémon Master if he's dependent on me. He'll never be able to travel in the state he's in now."

"You're right. So what do you propose we do?"

"We have to slowly get him used to being away from me and get him to the point where he's comfortable traveling without me."

"You know that's going to take a very long time and Ash may not even agree to it."

"But Brock, it's the only way for him to achieve his dream. I'd hate to see him give up his aspirations because he's afraid of being away from me."

"I see. Well, since my mother and father are running the gym now, I suppose I can stay and help you to help Ash."

"Thanks Brock," she said, smiling at him.

"No problem."

* * *

After Ash was finished, he went back to kitchen expecting to see Misty and Brock. He saw Misty by the sink but Brock was gone.

"Where's Brock?" he asked.

"He's in the stadium, waiting for us," Misty said.

The two walked over to the stadium room and Brock was indeed waiting on the bleachers.

"Misty said that you wanted to talk to me about something," Ash said to him.

"Both me and Misty," Brock said.

"Well, what is it?"

Misty took Ash's hands in hers and her expression turned serious. "Ash, I'm gonna say something that you're not going to like, but I'm only saying it because I love you. Do you remember when you said that you didn't wanna leave my side? Well, the feeling is mutual. Unfortunately, you can't be with me all the time. You're going to have to learn to get along without me there."

As soon as those words left her lips, Ash felt an overwhelming panic build up in him. He shook his head repeatedly.

"No…no, no, NO!" he shouted.

"Ash please, listen to me. I don't mean that I'm kicking you out of the gym or anything. I'm saying that I won't be able to be around all the time and that's something you have to be able to handle."

"WHY? Why can't you be there with me? I don't understand!"

Brock grabbed Ash by his shoulders and turned him around. The boy had tears threatening to spill over and Brock's features softened.

"Ash, let me ask you something. Do you think you could go back on the road knowing Misty wasn't going with you?"

"Of course not! My life was a living hell without her there! Do you think I wanna go back to that?"

"That's why we're going to help you to gradually readjust so that eventually, you will be able to travel again, even if she's not there."

"I can't!"

"Yes, you can."

"No, I can't. I CAN'T!"

Misty turned him around to face her and her heart broke looking at him. He looked absolutely terrified, tears were still threatening to fall and he was visibly shaking trying to hold himself together.

"Ash, what about your dream?" she asked.

The question caught him off guard. "My dream?"

"Yes, to become the greatest Pokémon trainer. How can you do that if you don't explore and grow as a trainer?"

Ash looked down. She was right; he would never achieve his dream if he was scared of going anywhere without her around. But he remembered how he felt for the four years she wasn't there and he couldn't go through that again. He looked at her again.

"Misty…I don't think I can do it."

"You won't be alone. Brock, Pikachu and I will be with you the whole way. Please Ash, if you won't do it for yourself, then do it for me. When you love somebody, the one thing you want more than anything else is to see that person happy."

"But Misty, _you_ make me happy," Ash said.

"I know, but I also know that if you give up on your dream now, you'll regret it; maybe not today, but someday and for the rest of your life. I don't want that for you. So please, do it for me. I know it'll be hard, but like I said, you won't be alone. Please…"

Misty was now on the verge of tears too. When Ash saw how upset this was making her, he made up his mind. He would do whatever it took to make her happy, even if that meant being away from her.

"I don't know if I can do this Misty, but I'll try. If it'll make you happy, then I'll do my best."

Misty smiled at him. "Thank you Ash."

* * *

From that day forward, Misty, Brock and Pikachu worked to get Ash comfortable with not being around Misty so that he could function normally without her there. Like Brock had said, it was a long, arduous process. Physical distance between them wasn't much of a problem. Within the first couple of weeks, he had no problem with her not being in the same room with him. He still got anxious when he didn't see her for a long time (several hours) but as long as Ash knew she was in the gym, he was okay.

The next obstacle Ash had to overcome was when he and Misty (and sometimes Brock as well) were out together because then he had to deal with other guys checking her out and as a result, he had to constantly suppress the urge to kill. More importantly, he almost never let her leave his line of sight unless Pikachu went with her out of fear that if he lost track of where she was, he would never see her again. Brock had to physically restrain Ash from following Misty on a couple of occasions. Over the next two weeks, he slowly adjusted to Misty being away from him on their outings together.

However, it took another two months before he was at ease with Misty going out without him. Brock suggested that Ash do chores around the gym or train his pokémon in order to keep his mind occupied. The solution worked well but even then, if Misty was gone significantly longer than she said she would be, he would have a panic attack. In order to prevent this, Misty would call Ash to let him know when she was going to be late getting back. Him going out without her wasn't as difficult because he could (usually) control when he got back and he made sure to return as soon as possible.

Eventually, six months to the day that Ash began his rehabilitation, Brock and Misty decided it was time for him to start his journey again. The night before Ash was to leave for Unova, Misty summoned him into her room to talk to him.

"I know you're nervous, but things will be different this time around. I'll write you every couple of weeks if I can, and we'll talk on the phone a few times each week. I'm not going to let us lose contact again."

Ash gave a small smile. "Thanks Mist. It'll make being on the road a lot easier."

"And I'll make sure to come and see you whenever you compete in a league tournament."

"I'll do better since it's easier for me to take time off than it is for you. I'll come to visit on your birthday, whenever you're in one of your sisters' plays, and when Christmas comes around, I'll come home and we can spend the holidays together in Pallet Town."

"Sounds great. Well, I should let you get some sleep. Goodnight Ash."

"Goodnight Mist. I love you."

"I love you too."

The two shared a short kiss before Ash left the room.

* * *

The next day, Misty and Brock wished Ash good luck and he got on a plane to take him back to Unova where he would meet up with Iris and Cilan. Both were happy to see him again. As the group started traveling again, Misty kept her promise and stayed in contact with Ash regularly through calls and letters. Iris and Cilan were perfectly okay with Ash taking time off to see her since it was largely due to her intervention that he was back to his old self. The best part was that ever since his stay with Misty, the phrase "You're Not Her" never entered his mind.

Ash would go on to achieve his dream, for himself and especially for Misty, and just like she'd promised him, she would be with him every step of the way.


End file.
